Wuthering Heights

finally read it last year
sorry everyone
the story just didn't appeal
in fact, I found it quite distasteful

who wants a life like that?

dream

another interrupted dream last night
another phone message from that place

snow in California
hot flashes
confusion

curious

lump

Dear unidentified growing lump,

You have been disruptive. Please do not come back after I have you removed. I promise that I will learn whatever lesson I am meant to learn.

Thanks.

evening

the warm air fades
cool twilight breezes
kiss my skin
lay me down
in the evening

the mystery

how long does it take to adjust
to find balance in the upheaval

new future, new mind, new body
- confusing enough
but new friends, blossoming friends,

knocked off balance by seeing my own
fragility, fear, faults, seeing my own
certain need for solitude and companionship






"right about now you face your worst mind"
- V. M.

until the end of the world

it wasn't until a few days ago
that I understood the end

understood wanting to creep into
dream mind with my conscious one
(almost like smuggling)

found myself listening over and over and over
to three messages (one dream) I left myself from that world

the sleep-drenched voice kept drifting off
but something was trying to puzzle it out
keeping me awake, talking

if it does work like that

and I'm not convinced at all --

what is it exactly
from which we must wrest free

backwards

it was not form
that brought me to place
it was place
that brought me to form

and I'm still learning it

knife to my heart

wielded by my own foolish silence

ahh

new jammies

look like candy
feel like heaven

horses

I knew I would forget
so I called myself
left a message
on my way to work

day at the beginning of
being warm and sunny

and I was surprised
at the end of the day
to have a message
from myself
reminding me
about the horses

the herd I drive past every day
magnificent creatures
this morning they were all
every one of them
still
tense
watching
I couldn't help
but follow their gaze
-- a large dog was running
across the back of their pasture

Paco says ...dance!

Today we danced
the dance of her life.
I was swept into the confusion,
darting this way and that.
A surrogate self
for the restoration of sight.
Later only to have the light shining
in my eyes, blinding me.

what undid me

your hand on the small of my back

instinct, not logic

affection, not analysis

Renaissance thoughts

I did hear that hesitation, after the fact
that catch in your voice
that recognition of me
but don't worry, I know.

I'd be resting in the back room
listening or perhaps in the shadows
sipping the notes, translating, always translating.

I'd be waiting for a musician,
playing for you to dance,
playing for the pleasure that's in it.

I'd be waiting for night to fade
into those impossible hours;
waiting for him, happy, to take me
home to take my body into his hands,
release my melody.

as my body bends
curves around the tree
too big to become frog

I catch rain in my throat
hold it til the surprise
of the cool swings into
the hot blue sky and
drifts off with the clouds

I bite the mud
tasting the kiss of summer
- a red leather fruit

for j. s.

you leaned close
speaking quietly
whispering really

I could feel your breath
on my cheek

you spoke the name
I've been using
but never said
never said

and I knew
I was not wrong
to see these kindred spirits
and seek their company

at first I could not imagine
what might capture me thus

I learned in the quiet
hidden in the shadows

your fingers became fire
and I, entwined

turned to ash, nothing
remaining but the moon

caught in your branches

took off the ring again, left her behind

I must be ready or is it
that it must be happening

I am opening to possibilities
a future exists for my choice,

my pleasure, the truth, should be considered
respected, loved and celebrated

some men have been, she says,
susceptible to this strong force in me

and that I should pay attention,
so I try

early morning mist rising off the river

it becomes clear
why religion was invented
(by fools)
to stave off the doubts

but there's nothing
but nothing
in the end

I am a key.

I am a key
slipped into
a watch pocket
for safe keeping.

gravely dug

despite rocks and rocks
it is a neat hole

there is plenty of honest work to be done

still

notes I found on my desk

-



quiet practice
and
creative discipline



----------



sustenance
maintenance
improvement



-------------



talent
luck
work
nerve


-

inchoate

the rivers are rising and falling
again and again advancing, retreating
settling over those fields,
slowly sliding back
it does not seem it will cease



maybe it is the other way around after all
and I am the pillar of fire

refrigerator poem

frantic goddess
your delicate blood
could fulminate light

sometimes the gamble does not pay off

disruption
convergence
withdrawal
contemplation